OMG

A BBC commentator based in Washington, DC recently made a farewell visit to some of his favorite haunts in that city before being posted back to the UK. They are all places I know well as a result of living and working in and around our nation’s capital for the past 36 years. He took his trusty tape recorder with him and at one of these establishments he decided to engage some of the people around him in an informal current events quiz. If I had to give this exercise a title it would be “well-informed Brit meets uninformed Americans.” It was a sad testament to an all too common fact. Many, if not most, Americans have very little knowledge (or interest) in the world around them. No, that’s too kind. They have little regard for their immediate surroundings. Asked who George Washington was (and I will remind you he lives and works in the city named in his honor), one individual knew that it was the guy who chopped down a cherry tree. He had no idea that he was the first President of the United States.

Several were asked, if President Obama were to die, who would take his place. One thought it would be his wife, Michelle. Maybe she could do a better job, but still, that is not the correct answer. Another thought that Congress would have to go into a special session to decide who would be most qualified for the job (a thought that is almost scarier than the answer is stupid). Only one individual knew the answer . . . the Vice President. I breathed a sigh of relief until this same person did not know who the VP is. OMG!

When asked who would be next in line should both the president and the vice president (whoever he is) be incapacitated the answers were just as varied. Thanks to Al Haig, a number of individuals thought the Secretary of State is number three in the order of succession. Close, but no cigar. Thankfully, more people did know that the correct response is the Speaker of the House. Unfortunately, only a few knew this person’s name. “Starts with a ‘B’ I think,” one chimed in. “Nancy somebody?” came another response. Another came close. “Boner, right? Isn’t that how you say it?” When the inquiring Brit provided the correct pronunciation, the person added “I don’t know, I think it’s pronounced ‘Boner.’ It sounds better.” Where I might agree with that, it is still just a little distressing to consider that this person, like Mr. Boehner, might be making important decisions that affect my life.

Finally, folks were asked to identify the president of France. Most people just gave an embarrassed giggle and admitted they did not know. Another at least knew that Nicholas Sarkossy is married to a beautiful model. Yet another answered, “Who cares about the French?” I’m betting it was the same dunce who did not know who George Washington was. I’ll say it again . . . OMG!

So why is it that so many Americans are ignorant of the world around them? That is putting it mildly. Perhaps they have become so independent and self-possessed that they seem to have knowledge only of their immediate surroundings; if they can’t see, touch, smell or taste it, why do they need to know about it? Nathan Willis, upon encountering his fellow Americans in Paris during the first half of the 19th century, wrote of their “inquisitive, sensitive, communicative expression which is the index to our national character.” We read and hear how little interest or concern our country’s leaders have for the current state of our education system. Perhaps we are seeing the payoff right here. Americans are taught to believe that our’s is great country, one that others look to as a model. Then how is it that so few of our citizens have any idea how this country really works? What has made us great? I sometimes feel that our leaders see this Ignorance as bliss, or so the old saw goes. Don’t believe it. If we don’t know, it’s our own fault. We should be asking and answering the hard question and not excusing ignorance with a guilty giggle.

After listening to the BBC commentator sign off there was a news story on how both China and India will pass the United States as the world’s top economies by 2030. Did you ever stop to wonder how this might be possible? This goes against everything we were taught to believe about our country and ourselves. Perhaps all you need to do is visit one of your favorite haunts and ask those around you if they know who George Washington is. You might be surprised by the answers you get. Then again, maybe not.

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Frankly I am getting tired of all the wiener jokes and double entendres in the news lately. It seems like everyone is fixated on male genitalia these days. At the moment, I guess we can point the finger (or whatever) at Anthony Weiner, the now disgraced former member of the House of Representatives from New York, who thought it might be clever to post explicit photographs of Big Jim and the twins on his Twitter account. And what is it about some New York politicians? Who can forget Eliot Spitzer, the disgraced former governor whose own private parts and an affair with a big city grisette got him into hot water. At the same time it launched him into a new career as a CNN commentator which allowed him to offer his own cogent thoughts on Mr. Weiner’s wandering wiener. Does anyone else see the irony here?

And doesn’t the different spelling of the current culprit’s name and the phallic euphemism associated with it bother anyone else? They should not be pronounced the same, yet they are. Following rules of proper German pronunciation, “ei” = “ī” and “ie” = “ē” So not only does Mr. Weiner have a problem keeping his in his pants, he has been mispronouncing his last name for his entire life. Geez!

And what about this “wiener” expression? Do people still use that word today for anything other than a hot dog served at a picnic or the ballpark? I don’t think so. I know my buddies and I used it as kids in the Midwest, and novelist and poet Jim Harrison, who is from Michigan, still uses it occasionally in his writings. But really, I thought that one went out with “winky” and “peter.” I can think of so many more imaginative euphemisms used today, none of which, for the sake of decorum, I will share here. Let me leave this to your imagination, something the media is having trouble with these days.

This is not to say that there have not been a few entertaining items born of this rather sad episode. A columnist in one of our local papers here in Maine addressed the Weiner affair under the title “A Few Wieners short of a BBQ.” I thought that was pretty clever and worth a few chuckles. Probably the best to date, however, is Joel Stein’s “America’s Next Top Weiner,” his very humorous yet bawdy Time magazine exploration of the male’s apparent need to show his penis to everyone based on the results of Stein’s own attempt to follow in Mr. Weiner’s footsteps. He asks if we are “experiencing some kind of sexualized renaissance” or is this just another “pathetic manifestation of the male ego.” Perhaps it is a little of both? Is it the male who is really suffering from penis envy these days?

All in all, given the myriad problems we are facing, I just don’t get all the fuss and fury about a guy who is so cocksure the world would be a better place once it knew how endowed he is. Is this really news? Perhaps Mr. Weiner should have taken a lesson from Gustave Flaubert, the French writer who faced his own demons when it came to keeping it under wraps. In the autumn of 1850, while visiting Cairo, Jerusalem and Beirut, Flaubert availed himself of their many bordellos. Upon his eventual arrival in Istanbul he discovered he was suffering from a raging case of syphilis. He wrote of his “problème” in his journal, including meticulous descriptions of his penis as the disease advanced. When he arrived at a new (for him) brothel in Istanbul, a prostitute asked him to display his compromised phallus in order to prove he was not sick. Flaubert refused. “I acted the monsieur,” he wrote to a friend, “and jumped down from the bed, saying loudly that she was insulting me, that such behavior was revolting to a gentleman.” Now that is class, no? Mr. Weiner, while interested in the role his penis plays in current affairs, could have been just a little more circumspect. It just goes to show you that Mr. Weiner doesn’t know dick.